Travel Poem, if you like route 66

If you don't want to read all that, then just read this exerpt, it's worth your time.

One time they came to the base of a cliff
A rock balanced on top but refused to tip
“The boulder wobbles atop the mountain so tall,
“Venture a guess as to why it won’t fall?”
Tome shrugged; “The cause is physics I suppose”
The old man said, “No, that’s not how it goes
“Go to the top, weedhopper, see for yourself”
Soon Tom was climbing the Everest shelf
He reached the top where a monastery sat
He pointed to the rock asking why was it that
Some force held the boulder right where it was
And it wore a gold hat- it can’t be just because?
One monk told him that a strand of Buddha’s hair
Made the Zen still float in the air
Everything is one; Yin and Yang
Buddha’s theory of balance makes the rock do the same.
---later---, route 66
On his journey he saw many strange things
Before passing under the Blue Swallow’s wings:
A giant capped Whale that grinned in a lake
For both Normal and Bloomington, there was but one Steak-and-Shake
He ate frozen custard from the shop of Ted Drew
(It’s really just ice cream is what they don’t tell you)
In his home state he saw a barn that was round
And Texas had Cadillacs entrapped in the ground
In one town there was a water tower that leaned
It reminded Tom of his Asian traveling spree
So he stopped at the diner, said, “Table for one,
“And does the tower have hair from the enlightened one?’
The waiter said, “No, no, young guy,
“It leans so you’ll come in to ask why”


If you're not familiar with the leaning water tower, they made it lean on purpose so people would stop at the town to ask them why it was leaning. The town is so dull that they figured this was the only way to make people stop.


Tom
Tomas McFey was no ordinary man
Lived in Tulsa; drove a hippie van
At twenty he left home to go live in the trees
Caught up in one movement of the nineteen-sixties
On the way to Paraguay he passed Chitzen Itza
Ate on a hill a vegetarian pizza
Kidnapped by natives as he stared at the vista
That’s what the natives’ll do- Chitzen Itza.
On a rotating spit he was carried to the pyramid
To no avail he cried “I’m just a kid”
But one lovely Aztec said “For a pie, he’s too tall,
“And the Gods will be offended if the sacrifice is so small”
Because of his diet Tomas was saved
He said goodbye to the lady as he waved,
“I’ll never forget you” he told her with a smile,
She said, “I’m sure we’ll meet again in a while”
Tom was halfway to Paraguay when he had a thought
“Why live in the trees? This isn’t my lot
“I want to go to Africa and Europe” he said
“And Asia and Australia before I’m dead”
So he went to a ship and said, “Reporting for duty!”
And the captain said, “Shhh…we pillage for booty”
On Tom’s first night as a pirate a storm came in
The dark sea churned and on the horizon rose a fin
No, more than a fin, a terrible beast
The wicked jelly fish of the east
This is wildly improbable, thought Tom
And the storm settled in an eerie calm
Then the monster rose up, looking Tom in the eye
And said, “You’re no pirate, McFey; you’re a nice guy”
With that, a rogue wave rose up on the bow
It was every pirate for himself now
The ship was a wreck, it was sinking fast
Tom climbed onto some rubble at last
It was Thailand where he landed ashore
Tom said, “That’s strange, I was in the Atlantic before”
An old man told the boy not to fear
“C’mon” he said, “I think you need a beer”
The two traveled together through Southeast Asia
The Thai guy was shocked! “These huge hills don’t faze ya!”
One time they came to the base of a cliff
A rock balanced on top but refused to tip
“The boulder wobbles atop the mountain so tall,
“Venture a guess as to why it won’t fall?”
Tome shrugged; “The cause is physics I suppose”
The old man said, “No, that’s not how it goes
“Go to the top, weedhopper, see for yourself”
Soon Tom was climbing the Everest shelf
He reached the top where a monastery sat
He pointed to the rock asking why was it that
Some force held the boulder right where it was
And it wore a gold hat- it can’t be just because?
One monk told him that a strand of Buddha’s hair
Made the Zen still float in the air
Everything is one; Yin and Yang
Buddha’s theory of balance makes the rock do the same.
Tom returned to his mentor saying “I’ve learned a lot,
But it’s time to give travel to Europe a shot”
Tom had not a cent to his name
And he wasn’t about to go pillage again
So he went through Tibet on the back of a Yak,
Ate vindaloo curry in an Indian shack
Crossed the Red Sea, not on foot, but he tried
And drifted to Greece on the evening tide
He took a Vespa to the Parthenon
Slept on the steps from dusk until dawn
A tour guide woke him as the same came to rise
And Tom thought he remembered her lovely dark eyes
So he said as he arose from the floor,
“Hello” and in Greek, “Have we met before?”
The two spent that day in the Athenian sun
Eating gyros, having all kinds of fun
This was the Aztec that had saved Tom’s life
And on remembering, he asked her to be his wife
She smiled sadly and said “Someday you’ll see,
“That the two of us are indeed meant to be,
“But the epic story cannot end here
“Years will pass before again we are near”
Tom, distraught, returned to his home
Tulsa, Oklahoma, was no empire of Rome
Not all roads lead there, but at least one does
Though Route 66 is not what it once was.
Tom fixed up his old van anyway
So that he could travel Chicago to L.A.
On his journey he saw many strange things
Before passing under the Blue Swallow’s wings:
A giant capped Whale that grinned in a lake
For both Normal and Bloomington, there was but one Steak-and-Shake
He ate frozen custard from the shop of Ted Drew
(It’s really just ice cream is what they don’t tell you)
In his home state he saw a barn that was round
And Texas had Cadillacs entrapped in the ground
In one town there was a water tower that leaned
It reminded Tom of his Asian traveling spree
So he stopped at the diner, said, “Table for one,
“And does the tower have hair from the enlightened one?’
The waiter said, “No, no, young guy,
“It leans so you’ll come in to ask why”
Tom wished he’d thought of something so clever
As he sat there eating his onions and liver
Finally he said “I’m a vegetarian, you see,
“And Route 66 is not the place for me”
The next place he searched for balance and order
Was Niagara Falls on Canada’s border
The people would ahhh and the people would oooh
As gallons of mist soaked them all through
Tom felt the power-if he could do this
If he could escape death’s imminent kiss
If he could put his confused life in peril
If he could go over the falls in a barrel
He could do anything—an oyster: the earth
So Tom banded steel around a barrel’s girth
He donned a bike helmet and said “Farewell my friends!
“Perhaps I’ll return sans a case of the bends”
Brave Tom hopped inside and got ready to rumble
He hoped he’d survive this perilous tumble
But the thought Tom had as he began to fall
Was that maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all
There was no Aztec to save him, no wreckage to grip
From the smashed hull of a pirate ship
“In my search for a good life I killed myself
“I may as well have jumped off that Everest shelf!
“All I wanted was meaning” he started to cry
“I was stupid to think that this would not make me die!”
But this time he landed on a pillow of feathers
As some birds underneath him flocked together
Of course this only slowed him a little and he went right through
With a whoosh and a flap and a pigeon’s coo
It was not by death but by luck he was kissed
As Tom landed on the deck of a Maid of the Mist
The barrel cracked open and left Tom sitting there
Escaping his doom by the teeth of his, er, hair
The captain said “…the HELL was that!?”
Her eyes boggled as she tipped up her hat
When she saw her love sitting on her deck of her ship
And when their eyes met she bit on her lip
Then she asked, “Did you track me down?”
A dizzy Tom said “I’m just glad not to drown.”
He stood, grabbed and dipped her and gave her a kiss
A great cheer was heard from that Maid of the Mist
The pair went to Sydney to begin their new life
And the Aztec now became Tom’s wife
Of course, now he knew that Gina was her name
And frequent voyaging was her game
They ate by the water their wedding feast
Tom had a run in with you-know-who from the east
He had a turkey leg and was not afraid to use it
But the beast had some wisdom, so he waited to abuse it
“Half of Australia’s fauna would have you as a side dish”
Tom weighed the risks of saying “Yes, Mom” to a jellyfish
“Thanks for the notice!” he said, “Now bub-bye!”
“Heed my warning, McFey, if you don’t want to die”
After this creepy encounter Tom became a recluse
Every shirt collar was a potential noose
He would not go outside for fear of a bug
He was addicted to soap like an opiate drug
He wore a brace on his neck so a bee wouldn’t sting it
Though at this point Gina was ready to wring it
She said “I married you because you were so unafraid
“And now you’re acting like you drank the Kool-aide”
He responded “When I fell in that barrel I made a vow--
“I respect life! I can’t meet my death now”
Gina told him “You won’t even touch a knife!
“Living means nothing if you don’t have a life”
Tom couldn’t believe how stupid he’d been
In a life searching for balance had had nothing gotten in?
He stepped outside thinking all would be perfect now
And was promptly trampled by a rampaging wild sow
Our hero was in a coma while news of the bizarre
Had made him a world wide instant star
But when he finally awoke his wife was not home
Her belongings were gone; his dishes dry as a bone
Tom wandered around, wondering “How could it be
“That my lovely wife Gina has gone and left me?”
Was it that he had dreamed the whole thing?
The Aztec, the tour guide and the wedding ring?
Tom was now twenty-six, and he missed the old days
When he would travel around to learn the cultural ways
He decided to forget about Gina by going away
If he was busy it would all be okay
So he snorkeled through the Barrier Reef
Learned how to drink water from a rainforest leaf
He went out for a drink with his old friend from Thailand
And lay out on the beach to get himself tanned
Then he pulled a 180 and saw the northern lights
And sat through weeks of day-long nights
He helped fish for crabs in the Bering Strait
Before moving back again to the sooner state
He went out with his mom on his thirtieth birthday
“For you’re a Jolly Good Fellow, McFey,
“Ten whole years have come and gone
“Since you left for Paraguay that fateful dawn”
Then Tom had had a thought and he said, “Mommy,
“When I left home I was just little Tommy
“I never made it to Paraguay but I should go now
“Lest I get trampled again by a rampaging sow”
To Asuncion he took the redeye nonstop
And befriended some monkeys in a treetop
He was living his old dream of being in tune with nature
There were no rules out here, responsibilities or attainsure
His life had been shaped by omniscient teachers
Be them wives or old men or fearsome creatures
Always someone telling him what was right
Or why a rock didn’t fall from its great height
But here in the jungle he made the rules
He ate little and drank from groundwater pools
Alone, he wore only his birthday suit
Until he was knocked unconscious by a durian fruit
He awoke to a pair of familiar eyes
And a face to which he never had said his goodbyes
The woman he saw—who else could it be
But Gina Propina living up in a tree?
She spoke first, “I don’t know how this happened or why,
“But I’ve missed you Tom, you’re such a great guy”
She told him everything, how when he’d risen to fame
The media coverage became insane
If her picture had been printed her pursuers would see
And that would be the end of his wife Jeannie
To save herself she had run where no one would expect
And left her poor husband in a state of neglect
Tom paused for a moment, then told her his thought
“I am going to give you some advice I once got
“I would have spent the rest of my life alone here—
“No obligations or problems or fear,
“But I would have been cut off from my family, my wife,
“And why be alive if you don’t have a life?”

The End

I love this lady's blog, confessions of a restaurant whore.
It's great because she's honest about everthing and her comments are hilarious. She likes all the restaurants I like. But most of all, she truely has a passion for 'strants and wants to like them. I see a lot of critics out there who hate everything, and it takes something really special to make them happy.
I try to go into things wanting to like them, and I usually do. I doubt that there is one bad reveiw in the whole web site.

I should also add that I looooove the place Ame in SF. It was heaven for me--- in the palace of the St.Regis hotel and across the street from one of my favorite places in the city, the MoMA and the Yerba Buena Gardens. I also love the rain, and that's what Ame means in Japanese.
We started with the special poke sashimi, which was like oh. my. god. Perfectly crunchy on the outside, perfectly crisp yet soft inside. More poor skinny mother even gave one of hers to me.
Then came the sweetbreads stew, which was the best thing I ever tasted. At the time I didn't know what sweetbreads were, I just knew that they weren't bread. I later learned that they are veal glands. That does not change the fact that they are the most tasty things on the planet, possibly the galaxy.
Well anyway when I took a bite of the main course, a fish of some kind over vegatables, I decided that those sweetbreads were the second most tasty things in the galaxy.
For desert we decided to order the sundae, which was cryptically described as "Chocolate mousse crunch with chocolate sorbet and a monkey".
The monkey, we learned is a chocolate wafer shaped like a monkey that hangs off the glass.

Back From Zion

I just took a trip out to Utah for memorial day and let me tell you, going through Vegas on Friday afternoon was not cool. And by not cool I mean hot. We drove past the Baker thermometer and it was up at 99 at around eight at night.



I was with my old Dad and friend Jet, all piled in to the front seat of Deddy's '72 Chevy pickup. So sweet. Green and Cream.



After many sintillating rounds of twenty questions, we found ourselves in lovely Springdale, right outside the entrance to Zion. Lots of art galleries, and home of some of the best pizza ever, at Pizza and Noodle. We all liked that it said Noodle and not Pasta.



We all three slept in the car due to lack of campsite availability. We had the carpet kit in the back set up with about fifteen comforters on it to make it extra-comfy. Those cars are wide, but not THAT wide. I was in the middle. Oh Yes. In the morning it got very hot, and we had to get an early start for Angels Landing aka the scariest hike out there.



I had done it three times before, and man, I have never seen it so crowded. Never underestimate the power of a holiday weekend. I must have heard people speaking every language on earth climbing that rock. Anyway, my dad and I found that Bridget's nickname of the Jet really does not suit her, as she was always lagging behind and saw no need to attempt to keep up. I may be the only person that day crazy enough to have attempted to RUN up Wally's wiggles, the 13-level hill of switchbacks, the lombard of the Sierra Club circuit. The valley floor is at 4,000 feet already, so shortness of breath is inevitable. I made it up about eight of the wiggles before feeling like death. And I'm in pretty good shape.



Our favorite tram driver of the week was Bob, who entertained us by asking if we wanted silence or "slightly irritating, somewhat boring commentary" like all the other drivers talk about the geology and all. He told a story about how a passenger of his came up and asked if they were going to see a Morman. A real live Morman.



The Jet complained about everyone after that, saying, "Howard's all right, but he's no Bob."



We fed the elk at the farm in down. Right in the middle of main street Springdale , across from tha Panda Garden Chinese restaurant, is an elk and bison ranch. They sell bags of pellets you can feed them, and last time I was there an elk swallowed my whole hand.

But it was totally worth it because I had a band aid around my finger for a week, and when someone asked what happened I got to say, "I got bitten by an elk"

No one bit me this weekend, save a few mosquitos.